What do you do if you find out that your child is getting bullied?
In most cases, parents are the last to know, as children often try to battle bullying on their own.
In 2015, Singapore was ranked as the 3rd country in the world with the most number of bullying cases, after a survey was conducted on selected private and public schools. Since then, the Ministry of Education (MOE) has taken measures to alleviate this threat. Students can now report bullying to specific channels like online platforms, and reported cases are being promptly investigated.
Bullying doesn’t only happen in face-to-face interactions, but online, too. In 2012, Singapore had the 2nd highest rate of cyberbullying in the world after China. A 2018 study reveals that 54% of Singaporean children are exposed to at least one cyber-risk, including cyberbullying. Cyber-bullying, or cyber-harassment, is bullying which takes place via social media platforms, text messaging services, and other electronic means.
How Bullying Takes Place
Bullying can be physical, relational, or verbal depending on where it takes place.
In school, children can experience being left out, made fun of, getting threatened, having possessions stolen from, being hit or pushed around, and being the subject of nasty rumours. Teachers may not always be aware of what’s happening as bullying can take place in different settings around the school. One research finds that bullying occurs more often at the playground than in the classroom. Confrontations can also happen along the hallway, in the gym, in the canteen, and in restrooms.
Online bullying usually happens in chat groups where it is easier to exchange messages and pictures about the target. One example of that is a chat group which was given the name “Ugly (+ person’s name).” This chat group was used to spread rumours and funny anecdotes about a student, who felt devastated after learning about it. Using private photos to blackmail a person is also an alarming trend of bullying among older students. With the rise of social media, some bullies may even take to social media to humiliate their peers in an attempt to gain TikTok followers, which brings the matter to a whole new level.
What It Does To Your Child
Stop Bullying, a US federal anti-bullying website, has identified three major effects of bullying on those who are bullied:
- Depression and anxiety – Signs include changes in sleep and eating patterns and loss of interest in hobbies or activities they used to enjoy. Children also tend to harbour increased feelings of sadness and loneliness.
- Health complaints – they’re more likely to experience headaches, sleeping difficulties, stomach pain, and poor appetite. Other chronic health issues may also appear worse or frequently triggered.
- Decreased academic achievement and school participation – Students start to lose focus and study habits weaken. In some cases, students feel the need to miss, skip, or drop out of school.
Bullying is often thought to be the main cause of suicide, but other factors can push a child into killing himself or herself too, according to Stop Bullying. These factors include problems at home, depression, and other traumatic experiences from the past. Unsupportive parents, school, and peers can also aggravate the emotional stress of a person suffering from bullying. With this said, bullying heightens the risk of suicide but “bullying alone is not the cause.”
The Singapore Children’s Society (SCS) and the Institute of Mental Health support this statement, with researchers saying that cyber bullying does not necessarily lead to self-harm. Trauma and distress play a big role, as well as hypersensitivity and suppressed emotions. However, “cyberbullying has been associated with a higher level of reported self-harm than reported by those not involved in cyberbullying.” Bullying and its effect on one’s life cannot be totally disregarded.
Is Your Child Is Getting Bullied?
Awareness is the first key to protecting your child from bullies. But in order to gain awareness, dialogue is necessary.
According to a survey, only 3% of Singaporean kids would actually talk about being a victim of cyberbullying. Why is it so hard for children to broach the topic with their parents? One, they keep silent out of shame. Two, they do not want their parents to know about their personal life online. Others also fear losing their devices (or getting into trouble) once their parents find out.
To find out about your children’s internal emotional lives, parents need to initiate conversation.
- Make time for an open dialogue with your kids no matter how busy your schedule gets.
- Always find time to know what’s going on with them. This may include checking their social media accounts or their profiles.
- Get to know their friends, too. Talk to the teachers in school.
- Be mindful of sudden changes in behaviour, including non-verbal clues such as looking upset, irritated, exhausted, sad, and observe how this affects your child’s daily routine. If something seems unusual, start investigating.
The saddest stories ever told about bullying are not the cases of extreme verbal, emotional, or physical abuse to children. Rather, it involves parents who know what their child is going through yet still choose to ignore it. “Some parents don’t really understand the child … Like my parents would just say, ‘Very common, so just deal with it or fight back,’” says a 14 year-old victim of bullying.
What You Can Do If Your Child Is Getting Bullied
In order to fight bullying, we, parents, need to make a step and face this battle with our children.
- If the bullying took place in school, inform the teacher right away. Teachers can report to school counsellors, and school counsellors can report issues of abuse to partner organisations such as Response, Early Assessment and Intervention in Community Mental Health (REACH), which closely works with schools to help students with emotional, social, and behavioural issues.
- Discourage violence against bullies. Dr Wong Hwei Ming, an educational psychologist and school counsellor advises, “Violence is not the way and it may actually make things worse because fighting back might anger the bully and cause them to retaliate with greater force. And then your child’s self-worth goes down more.”
- Seek help. Groups like The Singapore Children Society who designs programs for children with emotional needs. They also conduct bullying awareness programme for students and training workshop for Teachers and school counsellors. More info here.
- Be prompt. If cyberbullying (involving the posting of degrading photos on social media) has taken place, report the incident right away on the site where it was posted. Take a screenshot of the offensive texts, photos, or messages as evidence. Report to authorities. Several hotlines are open to receive reports on cyberbullying.
- Stay informed. Singapore has enacted the Protection from Harassment Act (POHA) last 2014 which criminalizes, among other things, cyberbullying, unlawful stalking and harassment. Learn more about it here.
